am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
