so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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