my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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