Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
