This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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