I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
