Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This house was built for laser tag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
