why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
false alarm. still invincible.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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