I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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