You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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