whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
