They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i've created a new STD.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
