all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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