Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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