I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
