It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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