his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
