yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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