That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
