apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
