So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize