I'm lost and stupid without you.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands