so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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