85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!