Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
