I just pynch a tree in the face
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
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Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?