I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats