covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
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The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.