Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
