shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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