If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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