i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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