hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
