You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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