Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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