I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
why do cheetos always look like penises
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
