I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
