apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
