Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize