I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
