nut hugger
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
