the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
