That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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