I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Duck Duck Cougar?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
