My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
as a side note pls kill me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
