Your dad touched me again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
