worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
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Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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