and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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