just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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