The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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