so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
