Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
