I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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