so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
