it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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