office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
