Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
