I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
