You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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