We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
