She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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