I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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