She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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