apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
