I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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