DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
