how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
