i jhust puked up my retainher.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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