I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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