there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
